


Pat Theory

by WithIceCream



Category: Game Theory - Fandom
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Boring sex, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 15:49:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5748901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithIceCream/pseuds/WithIceCream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew and Stephanie Patrick try to spice things up in the bedroom.  How?  Let's just say, they have plenty of theories!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pat Theory

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin, I'm sorry.

“But that’s just a stream… A LIVE stream! Thanks for tuning in! Alright, Steph, let’s say goodbye to people.”

It had been a long day. Holy poop on a stick, it had been a long day. After spending most of it at the highly-anticipated LA FNAF Convention and the rest streaming a semi-playthrough of Unfair Mario, Matthew was ready for the day to be over. Stephanie seemed to feel the same way, as she didn’t even offer Jason any tea after the camera faded.

After feeding Skip (also known as CatPat) and eating a light dinner of leftover chicken, Matt and Steph collapsed onto bed. It was only seven o’clock, but neither seemed to notice.

“So, how many more days does the convention go?” asked Steph.

“Two more days,” groaned Matt.

“What, don’t you like it?”

“I mean, I _kinda_ enjoy _parts_ of it, but I’d like it a lot more if FNAF hadn’t taken up literally _all of my life_ for the past year and a half.”

Steph let out a knowing giggle. “Hey, at least you only have two more days, and then you’ll be done with FNAF for good.”

“Really Stephanie? Do you really think it will ever truly be ‘done for good?’ On the last day of the conference Scott Cawthon’s probably just going to come parachuting in to hand out demos of ‘Five Nights at Freddy’s Five: Return of the Fan’ or something.”

“Ha ha,” replied Steph sarcastically. She shifted to her side so that she was facing Matthew. “Even so, I think I could help you keep your mind off it.” Matt raised an eyebrow and Steph returned with a sly grin. “After all, no one ever said you had to dedicate _all_ of your time to Scott. I should think I would be worthy of your attention, too.”

Before he knew it, Matthew was on top of her, kissing her deeply. He pulled back to breathe, and— wait a moment… When had they removed their clothing? He could have sworn that they hadn’t gotten into bed this way.

Enough thought—he was sure there was a logical explanation. “Steph, you have no idea how much I needed this today.”

Stephanie smirked. “Oh, I knew exactly how much you needed this the moment you walked through the door. You were so distant through the whole livestream. I knew I had to bring you back to reality.” She pulled him back, and his hand instinctively went to the nightstand, searching for a condom. Oddly, he only found an empty wrapper.

Confused, Matthew broke his lips away and looked down between them, then exclaimed, “That’s so weird! I’m almost positive I’ve not been wearing that all day!”

Stephanie blankly stared back at him. Finally, she brought herself to speak. “Matthew, of course you haven’t… You just put it on a minute ago. You went into a whole rant about how you’d never buy prelubricated condoms again.”

“What???”

“You said you’d never buy them prelubricated, just like you always do.”

“Of course I’ll never buy the prelubricated ones again! They’re all _slimey_ and I always get it on my hands! It feels so gross!”

Stephanie was beginning to become concerned. “Yes, I know. You just told me that four times.”

Matthew looked through her.

“Honey, are you alright? That convention really must have taken a lot out of you.”

Matthew contemplated.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t feel up to it.”

After an uncountable number of moments, a smile began to creep across Matthew’s face. He stared directly into Stephanie’s pupils. “Oh, I don’t think it was the convention, but I _do_ have a theory!”

Stephanie stared back, clearly perplexed.

“Alright,” said Matthew, “this might sound crazy, but we should try some position that’s not missionary!”

Stephanie let out a surprised gasp. “Wh- what? But Matthew, this is what we always do!”

“Yes! I think that’s the problem! It’s all in the automaticity, Stephanie!”

“I’m not sure I follow you…”

“Just think of highway hypnosis—you’re driving home from work on the same road you take every day. Upon arriving home you’re terrified to realize that you didn’t remember anything about the ride. Well, Stephanie, let’s pretend that you’re a car and I’m the driver. I ride you the same way all the time, and now—”

“—Now it’s time to try taking a different highway? The ‘Road Less Traveled’ so to speak?”

“Precisely!”

“I think I understand what you’re talking about, and I’m not offended at all. In fact, I think I have an idea.”

Matthew could hardly contain his excitement.

“What if this time, I’m the driver?”

Matthew emitted an indescribable high-pitched noise as Stephanie rolled on top of him.

“I won’t lie,” said Stephanie. “I’m not too confident being…”

“Then why did you get on top of me, silly?”

Stephanie couldn’t help laughing as she guided Matthew’s erection inside of her—an act made notably easier thanks to the prelubricated condom. As she dipped lower, waves of pleasure rushed through them.

They didn’t speak—in fact, they couldn’t speak. The altered angle produced by the new position had unlocked a whole new dimension of pleasure, and they were hungry for more. Matthew tried to make an analogy to xbox achievements, but his voice choked half way through with pure elation.

The following fifty-two seconds consisted of a mix of gasps and moans and the occasional screech (uncannily similar to that of the howler monkey). On the fifty-third second, however, Matthew’s and Stephanie’s screeches reached a new level of piercing.

Stephanie laid on top of her husband for a few minutes before rolling onto her side.

“Wow.”

“Right?” she replied.

Matthew raised himself up onto his elbows. “Oh hey, and look at that, Steph! We both reached orgasm this time!”

Stephanie was silent, probably at a loss for words.

“Hey, Steph, you know what I think we deserve?”

“What do you think we deserve, Matthew?”

“Stephanie, I think we both deserve a clap and a half!”

A smile shot across Stephanie’s face as she raised her arms above her torso and they did the synchronized clap and a half. Matthew then lept out of bed, went into the bathroom, let an “eww” slip as he removed the condom, and crawled back into bed.

“So, Stephanie, was it a good theory?”

“Oh yes. In fact, I can hardly wait to test out the next one.”

“Oh really? And what is the next one, if I may ask?”

“Hey, don’t be LazyPat! I think you should decide!”

“Oh, don’t worry. I know just the thing!”


End file.
